Why the summer holidays can be difficult for separated parents

The summer holidays can be a lovely time for children, but they can also place extra pressure on separated parents.

During term time, many families have a familiar pattern. School, clubs, homework, handovers and regular contact arrangements often create a structure that everyone understands. When school stops for several weeks, that structure can change quickly. Parents may need to manage annual leave, childcare, holidays away, family events and different expectations about how the children should spend their time.

For separated or divorced parents, this can be particularly difficult where communication is already strained. A plan that works well during term time may not automatically work during the school holidays. Longer blocks of time, trips away, passport arrangements and changes to handover times can all create tension if they are left until the last minute.

The best starting point is early, calm and practical planning. The aim should be to create arrangements that give the children stability, allow them to enjoy their summer and help both parents understand what is expected.

Start with the children’s needs

Holiday arrangements should begin with the children rather than the parents’ preferred dates.

That does not mean parents’ work commitments, travel plans and family events are unimportant. They clearly matter. However, the children’s needs should sit at the centre of the discussion.

Some children cope well with longer blocks of time away from one parent. Others may find a sudden change to their usual routine unsettling. Younger children may need shorter periods and regular contact. Older children may have their own plans, friendships, sports, part-time work or activities they want to continue during the holidays.

It can help to think about what will make the summer feel secure and enjoyable for them. This might include keeping some familiar routines, agreeing when they will speak to the other parent, making sure they know where they will be staying and avoiding last-minute changes where possible.

Parents should also be careful about making promises before arrangements have been agreed. Telling a child about a holiday, day trip or activity before the other parent has agreed can create disappointment and make discussions harder.

Agree the practical details early

Once parents know the school holiday dates, it is sensible to start planning as soon as possible.

The agreement does not have to be complicated, but it should be clear. Parents may need to agree where the children will be on each day or week, who is responsible for childcare, where handovers will take place, what time they will happen and whether there are any activities, clubs or family events to factor in.

It is also worth discussing practical costs. Summer holidays can be expensive, especially where childcare, travel, holiday clubs and days out are involved. Agreeing in advance what will be shared and what each parent will pay for separately can help avoid arguments later.

A written record can be useful. This could be an email, shared calendar or parenting plan. It gives both parents something to refer back to and reduces the risk of misunderstandings about what was agreed.

Flexibility is still important. Plans can change because of illness, work, travel delays or children’s own needs. A clear arrangement gives everyone a starting point, but a cooperative approach can make it easier to deal with the unexpected.

Think carefully about holidays abroad

Foreign travel is often one of the main pressure points during the summer.

If one parent wants to take a child abroad, they may need consent from everyone with parental responsibility, unless there is a Child Arrangements Order in place that says the child lives with that parent. Where such an order exists, that parent can usually take the child abroad for up to 28 days without the other parent’s consent, unless the order says otherwise.

Even where consent is not legally required, it is usually sensible to share key details. This might include travel dates, flight details, destination, accommodation information, emergency contact details and when the children will be able to speak to the other parent.

Where consent is required, it should be obtained before travel is booked, where possible. Taking a child abroad without the necessary permission can have serious legal consequences, so it is important to check the position carefully if there is any uncertainty.

A travel consent letter may also be sensible, particularly where the travelling parent has a different surname from the child. Some countries have their own entry requirements, so parents should check those requirements well in advance.

Check any existing Child Arrangements Order

If there is already a Child Arrangements Order, parents should read it carefully before making summer plans.

Some orders include specific arrangements for school holidays. Others may set out the usual weekly pattern but say little about longer holiday periods. Some orders include wording about foreign travel, passports or the amount of notice that must be given.

The exact wording matters. A parent should not assume that the usual term time arrangement automatically changes during the holidays. Equally, a parent should not assume that they can book travel without checking whether the order requires notice, agreement or specific conditions to be met.

If the order no longer works for the family, parents may be able to agree changes between themselves. Where that is not possible, legal advice may be needed about the options available.

Keep communication calm and child focused

Good communication does not mean parents have to agree on everything immediately. It means dealing with arrangements in a way that reduces pressure on the children.

Conversations about the summer holidays are usually better handled away from the children. If discussions are difficult, parents may find it easier to communicate in writing, use a shared parenting app or speak through solicitors or a mediator.

It can help to start with the points that are agreed before moving on to the areas of disagreement. This avoids every discussion becoming a dispute and can make the unresolved issues feel more manageable.

Parents should also think about how the children will stay in touch with the other parent while they are away. Daily calls may not be necessary in every family, but some agreed contact can reassure both the children and the parent at home. The right approach will depend on the children’s ages, the length of the trip and the family’s usual pattern.

What if parents cannot agree?

If parents cannot agree on summer holiday arrangements, it is usually best to seek help early.

Mediation may help parents reach an agreement without going to court. In some cases, solicitor led negotiations or a round table discussion may also be appropriate. The sooner the issue is addressed, the more options parents are likely to have.

If agreement cannot be reached, a court application may be needed. For example, a parent may apply for a Specific Issue Order if they want the court to decide whether a child should be allowed to travel abroad. A Prohibited Steps Order may be appropriate where there is a concern that a parent may take a child away without permission.

Court should not be treated as a quick fix for holiday disputes. Timing can be a real issue, especially during busy periods, and last minute applications may not be heard before the proposed travel dates. Early advice is important where there is urgency, a disagreement about foreign travel or concern about a child being taken away without consent.

Planning can make the summer easier for everyone

The summer holidays do not have to become a source of conflict. With early planning, clear communication and a focus on the children’s needs, separated parents can often agree arrangements that work well for the whole family.

Difficulties can still arise, particularly where there are concerns about travel, passports, consent or existing court orders. Getting advice early can help parents understand their position and avoid unnecessary stress.

stevensdrake solicitors advises parents on child arrangements, holiday contact, parental responsibility and disputes about taking children abroad. If you need guidance on summer holiday arrangements or wider family law issues, please contact our Family Law team for clear, practical advice.